Frost VS Steinbeck

So nope, I didn´t quite like the letter that Steinbeck wrote to his son about, apparently, "the importance of waiting for love". You might want to read the whole original letter here, as I plan to copy-paste and interrupt it after every paragraph for analysis.
I, of course, have no right (not to say authority!) to criticize the glories, yet here I go again.

"New York
November 10, 1958
Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First -- if you are in love -- that's a good thing -- that's about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don't let anyone make it small or light to you."

Obvious, having somebody to love is always a good thing. Pointless advice. "Don´t let bully-boys punch you for that, poor soul."

"Second -- There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you -- of kindness and consideration and respect -- not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn't know you had."

Ok, but the first kind of love is not a love for somebody else, but for oneself. So the only genuine kind of love, when we are talking about "being in love with somebody", is the second one. So once again, needless paragraph.

"You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply -- of course it isn't puppy love."

Well I don´t know what the kid meant with "puppy love", maybe I should read his letter. But you can perfectly feel "puppy love" and still feel it deeper than any other thing you´ve ever felt before. This, I guess, depends also on the other person, or what the other person wants with you, or how the other person manages his social (not only sentimental) relationships. It can happen that some people are so self confident, so determined, so sure about what they want, that one´s own expectations or wishes become reliant on the other´s priorities, and one ends up living at someone else´s shadow. When such thing happens, and you find yourself wagging your tail with excitement every time the other makes a concession, then you´re feeling a really deep puppy love. I´m gonna guess, this is probably not what the kid meant. He probably meant that he didn´t love the girl the same way he´d love a puppy (a temporary whim, 1st kind of love, sexist idiot)..., but there´s no way to know.

"But I don't think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it -- and that I can tell you."

Smart papa, the man knew how to read between the lines!! That´s only a part of a great author´s privileges.

"Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.
If you love someone -- there is no possible harm in saying so -- only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration."

Ok, the father is not being honest here. Nor clear. He doesn´t want to tell his kid that there´s also a possibility that the girl will not respond to his loving. He tries to mask this possibility behind "shyness". Anyways, his advice here is, "Tell her. But if she´s acting shy, don´t tell her".

"Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also."

Oh yes, girls can tell. These bitchy beings have a special sense. But they find delight in making you suffer, so she will pretend not to know. Sorry, in other words, daddy´s advice here: "Go ahead and tell her. She already knows anyways."

"It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another -- but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good."

"And then, face the consequences like a man". I think daddy knows that his kid´s love is not corresponded. But, again, he doesn´t want to hurt his feelings so he won´t say it clearly. But he also wants him to stop being girly, for god´s sake, just tell her at once, be rejected and move on to the next girl, and enough writing about your feelings, you innocent little flower!

"Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I'm glad you have it."

"Just in case you´re wondering, I love your mom. And she´s my wife. You looser."

"We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can."

"Because, like I said, she´s my wife. And she´s a woman. Therefore, it´s her duty to make all such arrangements and also she likes all this 'feelings' bullshit more than I do. So stop bothering me with that.".

"And don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens -- The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away."

Stupid last line for consolation. Though it will be 50% the subject of my upcoming rambling. But yes, daddy does not have too much faith in the future of this relationship... And now he´s saying "Ok, tell her..., but not yet, maybe." Poor kid must have ended so messed up. Clever daddy, he gave him every possible advice. Tell her, don´t tell her, be brave and tell her and your mom will set everything up, but maybe don´t tell her yet.

"Love,

Fa"


MY UPCOMING RAMBLING
So I didn´t make this simil in the first place, but will try to explain why, to me, Robert Frost´s "Nothing gold can stay" (or "Nothing golden stays", as the poem was originally conceived) and Steinbeck´s "Nothing good gets away" don´t have opposite meanings, though one might think they do.
Ok, Frost´s turn now. "Nothing gold can stay". True. But not less true as Quereda´s "Nothing rusty can stay". As the truth is, nothing, golden or rusty, can stay, because we ourselves cannot stay. But I believe, as long as I stay, something golden or something rusty might well stay too. Not unchanged, of course, but maybe with little change. We probably tend to think about love here. Or wealth. In any case, it can last as long as I am alive, if I´m lucky enough. It might not, but it could.
Now about the statement that "Nothing good gets away", let me bring up again Vonnegut´s "The truth is, we know so little about life, we don't really know what the good news is and what the bad news is."
"Nothing good gets away" doesn´t mean that golden will stay. It rather means, "if it didn´t stay, then it was no gold". Like I said, it´s a comforting phrase to think of after something good does get away. Like the fable "The fox and the grapes", it´s another way to try to convince oneself that what went away was not so good after all. That if she had been meant to be "the one", she would have waited no matter how long. That if she didn´t wait forever, then she did not deserve to be "the one". Which is a normal reaction to loss, or rejection, I guess, but not true for every particular case. Anyways, it´s a way to turn someone´s grief into another´s fault, maybe because we need someone else to blame instead of ourselves. Which I think might not be the best way to deal with it, but it´s perfectly understandable, and legitimate if it works -- and even if it doesn´t.
But I´d rather hold on to Vonnegut´s absolutely true quote. Which is another way to say, "There´s no way to tell, but this might have been for the best".
So, dear Steinbeck Jr., find your balls and tell the girl. If she must say no, the sooner the better. That´s a much better advice than the sentimental crap your dad just told you.