It's been so long!! But today, as I was coming back home, I felt an urgent need to sit down and write. Maybe because it's so sunny today.
I read this morning about the plane that crashed in Egypt. I don't want to trivialize it, but I couldn't help thinking, why do I have to read about flight accidents every fucking time I am days close to taking a flight? Then I thought, dozens of people died (likely) and I am somehow making it about myself. Like I don't care about any of those people. And maybe if my plane happens to crash, somebody else will make it about themselves like my death doesn't matter at all.
Which brings me to the point. Nothing significant would happen if I died. The world would not be different without me on it. This, on one hand, makes me think, fuck! How unimportant I am! How pointless my life is! But on the other hand..., oh wow, it feels great! It feels like freedom. I have no responsibility to the world at all. Whatever it is that I stop doing (i.e. by dying), if it is really important, it will get done by any other. I will be grieved for a while and after that, my ever presence in this life will be forgotten forever, and I will never have existed.
So fuck it! I'm gonna go enjoy my freedom!
