Here I am again after one whole month, to bring you some news: I am not happy.
One of the last times I visited NY, or maybe even the last time, I had a rebelation that I don´t think I shared here. Or maybe I did. Anyways. I was cleaning the dishes after lunch and I don´t remember if I had already started my residency or was about to start it, but I still had the idea that I would be able to work and study at the same time, and I had it very clear that my new residency would only be a temporary thing while I got ready to apply for a US residency. And I remember I thought, I know exactly where I wanna be, and it´s not where I am right now, but I need to be where I am right now in order to get there, so I wanna be right where I am right now. Yes, my thinking doesn´t care about correction in its speech, but don´t judge it.
The thing is I concluded that, in order to be "happy", or let´s say satisfied, I need to feel that I wanna be where I am, which is not the same as saying that I am where I wanna be. I might not be where I wanna be, but I choose to be there because that will take me where I wanna be. As long as I know where I wanna be, it should be fine.
Well that feeling is gone now. I still know where I wanna be, and I really can´t say that I dislike where I am, but I know it´s not taking me there anymore.
So... I guess I will just go to bed.
